Who Am I?

Fifteen years ago, I set out on the unexpected journey of motherhood. From the moment I saw my son’s sweet little fast heartbeat on the ultrasound, I was in love. Instantly, I knew my life was going to shift dramatically. And it did! Every day. Every month. My focus. My view of my future. It ALL changed from that moment forward.

I had so many questions and worries. Why did I feel so tired? What can I eat? What should I stop eating? What books should I read? What provider should I choose? (I went through a few!) Should I birth at a hospital or a birth center? When I asked my OBGyn these questions, I often felt dismissed. She once told me that it was “too early” for me to be worrying about what I was worrying about. Instead of calming my fears, she created shame. So I changed providers and found midwifery care.

As my pregnancy progressed, deeper questions began to emerge. I wondered what kind of mother I would be. What would need to change in my life, career, relationships? How would I get my baby out? How would I cope with what everyone told me would be the “worst pain” of my life? How would I prepare for what I felt was a very primal unknown experience?

Where should I go for these answers that I know are both so personal and often unaddressed?

And then one of my crunchy best friends sent me a book, Birthing From Within by Pam England and as I read this book cover to cover, my heart’s questions began to deepen and find answers - within ME, not through the opinions of others. I found as time progressed, I was no longer afraid of giving birth, I was excited! I felt as though I was finally stepping onto MY path for birth preparation - and it felt so meaningful. I was lucky enough to be able to take a Birthing From Within class as part of my preparation. I was thrilled - everything felt aligned! I couldn’t wait to see what birth would bring me!

And then labor started. It was all so completely different than I had expected and imagined. In those 36hours, I went on a physical, emotional, and psychological journey unlike anything I had ever been on - where time didn’t exist and I was meeting a new version of myself and my partner. Like every labor and birth experience throughout time, there were twists and turns that rocked us. We had to pivot so many times I finally felt myself let go of all my sense of control and ask, “what do I need to do next?”

In each of my births, I went through the biggest transformations of my life. I came out of birth with even more questions - and so humbled. Everything I thought I knew about birth and myself had changed. In each birth, I was both wholly undone and remade.

Becoming a mother is that moment in my life where I met my calling. It was unexpected. No one in my world had referred to birth as life-altering and I felt like it’s all I wanted to talk about and yet, I couldn’t articulate just how profound of an experience it had been for me. And all of a sudden, I had to learn all these new skills that I had no template for - breastfeeding, advocating, healing my new body, navigating new relationship dynamics, managing expectations, and multitasking life in a way that was bonkers!

All the while, I was discovering who the new version of me was at every turn. Some of the old pieces of me had to fall away so this new version of me could emerge.

And that’s where I found the path I’m on now.

I didn’t become a doula and childbirth educator because everything went as planned in my pregnancies and my births. I am a doula because each time, all those twists and turns of pregnancy and birth remade me into someone new, better, wiser and invited me to become the person I am today.

I am a doula because I know birth will transform you, too and I love to hold space for people to have their own life-changing experience.

That’s why, as your doula, I ask the deeper questions and invite you to prepare mind, body, heart and soul for this journey.

I know it’s possible for you to have a transformative journey that will make you the mother your baby needs you to be.

And I’m here for it!